Everybody seems over excited and could not stop mumbling about their shopping’s spree. Since my butt and face are glued to the internet, if not the whole day but most of my time at home. That is, every beat of my mouse click, says, shopping, splurging holiday discounts and spending. Genial! I heard and read them. And gosh, there is no temptation in me because we are totally broke, though credit cards are available and way too roomy, gee I have no guts to spend around swiping myself to absolute poorness of me in the future. Can we just celebrate the holidays without splurging at all?! I bet, it works because, we’ve been poor for ages now, and there were no fussed about shopping and holiday presents. It’s been 3 weeks now since I stopped taking fliers, there freaking me out, with all the sales and discounts, plus the Black Friday and Cyber Monday Sales. Geesh, my son is eating me slowly, keeps on bugging me about buying stuff because of the fliers. That is why I stopped looking at them.
Everything in my household world is easily manage by me and it would be more glorious if I have the bloody money. Yahhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhh!
Four years now since we arrived in this so called promise land of greenery. Applying as skilled-immigrant squeezed you to the last sweat of your might. I have considered and let go many hopes and opportunities the moment I started the immigration processing, I leave my promising job that pays well, behind, because I thought that maybe there will be better opportunities in crossing the border outside my country than staying foot. For years of agonizing hardship and difficulty concerning money and job, though I am still thankful because hubby has good jobs that provide us our daily needs. At the moment my mind is not yet set to be living in this city for good. And, I have this thought that we could may be moved to other city or province, could be in Alberta, if I will be given an opportunity to work there, living in one of the Edmonton apartments is considered. Since, I love the easy living especially during winter season. Gosh, snow that you can never imagine where it came from.
Yes, lately I am in to start looking for a job all over again since, our pregnancy did not push through. And this Edmonton living opportunities keep on coming to my senses. If I’m talking to my intuition right now, I may be crazy thinking such idea, when in fact, my hubby is not even talking about moving to other province or leave his jobs. Knock on wood! I am already suffering how to balance our book and paying bills, oh please God, and let him keep his jobs.
That’s the name they called to my pain, with abdominal cramps and pelvic pressures. Until when am I going to end my suffering? Because until now I’m still mumbling about myself losing our precious bundle, is everything blurry right now? I thought that I’m done with my so called therapeutic abortion. I still have to undergo series of blood sucking test and ultra sound. I know that it’s all for my health. The longer I go through these “after pregnant” tests, the more heartbreaking I feel about losing someone. I don’t even know how to feel depress, especially that hubby is not cooperating how I feel and what I felt right now. Though, he is sympathetic of my situation but not living with it. This is a solo flight trauma for me. Yes, life must go on, but it’s only 5 days ago. Don’t I have time of my own brooding my greatest loss? We’re all entitled to, I assumed.
I’ve gone through:
1. To painful inducing medicine to get rid of my not developing baby.
2. To feel the longing, to what I have lost.
3. To developing depression, and trying fighting it to continue taking care of my living family.
It’s not easy to carry the value of losing a love one, when you’re alone facing it. I certainly still have the power to control myself to move on to normal life. I’m still aware right now, of what I am doing. Life must go on, that’s what you said.
I wish and I wish, hitting the lotto jackpot would mean everything for my family right now. We are totally broke, and I hope life could change rapidly or in an instant. Winter season is almost here, and enjoying the snow in Christmas will be fabulous if it would be spent in a snowy vacation territory, like going to rent, to one of rent Calgary houses for the cold season. That is, of course possible if this week 50 Million dollars lotto will be won by us.
Gosh, I’m dreaming again. Though, we just had our long vacation in Asia last summer, yet I feel we needed it now, the most. Our family right now needed a solemn and adventurous break from our normal daily life. Hubby is working too hard without any break. I am busy taking care of the household and our son’s school activities to bedtime and were still coping the loss of our “should be” second child, just few days ago. That is why. We needed the break and this Calgary, Alberta escapade idea seems like star landed on our palm, gosh the accommodations in the Calgary Inner City itself are pretty comfy. Money, money, money!
I heard about Calgary quite often. That winter is harsh, that is, white Christmas will definitely happen. We do have terrible winter and snow in Toronto. So, going there for few weeks in the coming Christmas holidays would be delightful, I bet. Gee, could it be one of my days dreaming again. Not really! I’m actually wide awake.
I could not comprehend why, some or few women will undergo abortion for the reason of, they are not married or not ready for motherhood, exception for clinical reasons. I just loss our “should be” second baby, clinically the baby is not growing and not developing, at the 11th week, our baby had no heartbeat, and I was bleeding furiously, a miscarriage, I was told. There’s was no hope of survival, and there were no other options but to clean my womb. There’s this extraction of the fetus through viginal canal. The pain of inducing it was more than horrible, it was fiercely painful, had felt it for agonizing five hours and more, crawling on the floor, bleeding and crying in pain. I could not picture how others who undergo underground abortion, to feel how I felt last night. It was beyond pain and what is hell. For every cramp and pain, I sweat like just had a 40 degrees C fever. My inducing medicine will be taken every other day, tonight I will be off pain, but tomorrow, I may be will suffer again for hours, until my pregnancy test would result negative.
The pain of losing a child is not comparable to the pain of our body when losing it. Emotional and spiritual pains are lighter to feel but prolong, that is, it’s more painful to endure in the long run. Acceptance is the cure.
There are hundreds of moms christmas gifts available in the market today, especially in the Personal Creations dot com, and on until Christmas, I always give them cash, since my mother always love to shop by herself than we give her something that we like and love for her. In short, we want her to enjoy her gifts by her choice. If I were to decide for her gifts, jewellery is always her weakness and even swoon for it. Yes, touchy and sentimental, it’s her favourite pieces of things on earth after us. This year, I don’t know if I could spare gifts for my Mom, since my wallet is already drain. My mother have medical maintenance, it’s like Christmas every day. Since, we already spent our Christmas presents for her medicine. Too bad to that I considered it as Christmas presents, it’s actually for the holiday presents savings, but it was given a little bit early, since Mama needed the money. Happy Christmas Mama and Tatay! I’m hoping for prosperous blessings and good health this year, and more years to come.
Born with the not flattering eye lashes, mind is short and not lashy at all, and you know what? It’s difficult to curl them, so I just whisk lush lush mascara to them, to pronounce its volume. I don’t really make up always, just sometimes and mostly never. The first time best eyelash growth products introduce in the market, I was excited. But later on, I opted not to bother thinking to do. Because it says that lashes have tendencies to grow inward towards the cornea. That would eventually affect the eye, of course. I love the idea of growing the eyelashes, but it should be the way I want it, to grow outward. For now, I stick my eyes to natural ones.
My busy three weeks are over. I was actually preparing my place to accommodate my two Aunts, from wall repainting and beddings to tourism. Now, I have to stay foot at home again, but also busy for my son school and don’t forget the mountainous laundry as expected. I’m so sleepy right now and felling relax since there’s no more cooking pressures, moving from one place to another and no more heavy driving around the city. Hosting a visiting family from far home is not easy though rewarding, bonding is the key.
Who would be the next visitor and when? No surprises please. But we are planning to visit the Philippines again in the next two years, that is, before our new bundle of joy will mark its 2 years birthday. In God’s blessing, 2013 is the plan.
See, if I did not read about this Orthotist jobs, I will never know about orthotics. Yes, I have seen an orthopaedic brace, but I just simply called them braces to support the spinal bones. And, now I know its clinical term, so as the words Orthotist Jobs. This kind of job must be challenging, since you will create a brace that fits to the needs of the patient. Could it be like fitting prosthesis?
Gee, Black Friday is here again enticing the not-shopping-lovers, this is supposed to be for the Americans who will celebrate Thanksgiving Day in November, and Black Friday is the day after. I mean, in Canada Thanksgiving is celebrated in October, and we don’t have this Black Friday. Well, it’s actually bargains, sales and discounts for Christmas holidays. At home we don’t practice Christmas traditions, but we do enjoy its massive sale. From engagement rings and kitchen utensils to clothing, as usual I’m up for off season clothing, it always sale’s cheaper than that of seasonal displays. Since, I am carrying a new bundle of joy. I hope there’s more bargain for little ones stuff.
